13 minutes read –
Conscious dating is an intentional approach to romance that emphasizes self-awareness, mindfulness, and genuine connection. Unlike traditional dating paradigms, conscious dating encourages individuals to prioritize self-reflection and personal growth. It involves being fully present, actively engaged, and aware of one’s own desires and boundaries.
By cultivating your consciousness first, you can learn to navigate the dating world with a deeper understanding of yourself and your relationship needs. Finding a partner isn’t about finding perfection, yet we spend countless hours on dating apps swiping over people because they missed a check box or two.
ARE YOU BEING TOO PICKY?
This is a great reflection question. We all have preferences and standards. However, there is a fine line between having healthy criteria for a partner and being overly picky.
In today’s modern dating era, many individuals struggle to form meaningful connections due to their excessive pickiness. While it is essential to have certain non-negotiables and values that align, your unrealistic expectations could actually be impacting your dating life more than you know.
WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES?
Missed Opportunities: Being excessively picky can lead to missed opportunities for genuine connections. By rigidly adhering to a narrow set of criteria, you may be overlooking potential partners who possess qualities that align with your own core values and could contribute to a fulfilling lifelong relationship.
Superficial Focus: An excessive emphasis on superficial qualities such as appearance or material possessions can overshadow the more important aspects of compatibility, such as shared life values, emotional intelligence, and communication skills. Having a narrow focus limits the potential for deep and meaningful connections to flourish.
Loneliness and Isolation: The more selective one becomes, the smaller the pool of potential partners becomes. As a result, those who are overly picky could find themselves increasingly isolated, feeling frustrated, burnt out from the apps, and lonely in their search for love.
FINDING BALANCE IN THE PURSUIT OF LOVE
Instead of fixating on superficial qualities, take the time to reflect on your core values and long-term relationship goals. Using the conscious dating approach, focus on finding a partner who aligns with your values and complements your journey rather than checking off a list of superficial criteria. Ask yourself, do I feel good when I’m around him/her?
Recognize that no one is perfect, including yourself. Embracing imperfections in both yourself and a potential partner allows for greater authenticity, vulnerability, and ultimately, deeper more meaningful connections.
Challenge yourself to be more open-minded and explore connections with individuals who may not fit your ideal image. Sometimes, the most unexpected matches can lead to the most fulfilling relationships. How someone makes you feel, is more important than judging someone on their status, where they went to school, or the height that they were given.
If you are a female and are ruling men out that aren’t ‘tall enough’, yet still taller than you, then it may be time to look into your childhood traumas, past upbringings, or reasons why you feel you ‘need’ it.
Adopt a growth mindset, and understand that relationships require effort, compromise, and continuous growth. By focusing on personal development and nurturing a partnership, you can build a strong foundation for a meaningful and long-lasting connection with someone else. A partnership is a choice, love is a choice, and you have to consciously choose to work on those choices through the ups and down in life.
THE STOIC PERSPECTIVE
Stoics believed in taking control of one’s own mind and emotions, recognizing that external circumstances should not dictate our happiness or fulfillment. Two stoic quotes that align with the principles of conscious dating are:
"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not." - Epictetus
This quote highlights the importance of focusing on what we can control in the dating realm—our own thoughts, actions, and reactions. Practicing conscious dating invites us to shift our attention inward, exploring our desires, values, and emotional well-being. Analyze yourself, why are you thinking a certain way?
"The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have." - Epictetus
This quote reminds us to detach ourselves from external outcomes in dating. Instead of fixating on finding “the one” or seeking validation from others, conscious dating invites us to appreciate the journey itself—the process of self-discovery, evolutionary growth, and deep connection.
SOPHY LOVE: REVOLUTIONIZING THE DATING WORLD
With matchmaking on the rise as the new way-to-date, Sophy Love encourages individuals to engage in conscious dating practices through coaching, and self-reflection, to trust in values-based matching from a real human, and to find an immense advantage through expert-led workshops.
With a mission to prioritize personal growth and provide the space to foster more impactful and authentic connections in dating, Sophy and her team continually empower clients to break free from the superficiality of modern dating and embrace the beauty of self-discovery. They provide a safe and supportive space for individuals to explore their authentic selves, while also connecting with their “ideal partners” on a deeper level.
If you can become the person you wish to find, you will stop searching for all the empty parts outside of yourself. A true partner doesn’t “complete” you. You are already whole.
In an authentically healthy relationship, two people are free to be themselves, respected, and appreciated for their differences, and not judged or picked over. Whenever you find yourself being picky about another human being, ask yourself:
"What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?”
― Marcus Aurelius