The Question Isn’t If You’ll Change, But How

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You may believe that by the time you reach adulthood, your personality is all done developing, and while it’s true we get more set in our ways as we age, our personality traits never actually stop shifting. This is great news for those of us interested in self-reflection and growth. As it turns out, we have more control than we tend to think over the person we become—we just have to have the courage and commitment to work on ourselves. 

Why Personalities Change

When it comes to the building blocks of your personality, you may assume they’re mostly determined by genetics, but your genes just give you a starting point. It’s the environment and experiences you encounter throughout the years that really shape your personality. For example, an infant who is highly reactive and quickly overwhelmed by new situations could develop into a reserved, emotionally stable adult with the help of a sensitive parent and a supportive environment. 

For children and teenagers, new situations and experiences help their personalities to rapidly develop, so by the time we’re adults, we’re a bit less malleable. However, adulthood presents us with many new scenarios we’ve never faced before such as marriage, parenthood, or our careers. These experiences keep us on our toes and cause our personality characteristics to continue to evolve over time. Fortunately as adults, we’re more likely to have the tools—such as self-awareness, the autonomy to execute lifestyle changes, and a sense of purpose and direction—to weather major life events and hopefully come out of the other side better than before. 

Which Life Changes Affect You the Most?

It’s surprisingly difficult to determine which life events will affect your personality as adults and how those changes will look, but research has found that one major life change will absolutely influence your personality: marriage. Regardless of the age at which you get married, whether you lived together beforehand, or if you were already a parent, marriage affects men and women in unique ways. 

Especially in the early years, marriage affects personality in a few different ways:

  • Men tend to become more conscientious (i.e., responsible and organized) and introverted
  • Women tend to become more emotionally stable
  • Both men and women tend to become less agreeable and more set in their ways

Prepare For Marriage Now

While being in a serious relationship will definitely be personality-altering, if you take the time now to get ready for life with your future significant other, the outcome will be much more favorable. Don’t enter into a relationship believing the other person is going to “fix you”; instead, take the opportunity to work on yourself now. If you have anxiety around commitment or feel insecure in intimate situations, for instance, these are issues you can begin working on even while you’re not in a relationship. Regardless of the parts of yourself you want to focus on, pursuing self-discovery and growth usually involves some form of ongoing coaching or therapy, so while you certainly don’t need to be all “fixed” to begin dating, it’s important to embark on this journey as early as possible. 

Prioritizing your mental and emotional health not only allows you to have greater control over how your personality is impacted by life changes, it’s also a major flex when you want to start a serious relationship, too. Your future partner will feel reassured they’re dating an emotionally intelligent, and evolved person, and your relationship will be much more likely to weather the ups and downs that come your way. 

Are You Ready to Find Your Person? 

If you’re ready to dive into the dating pool, but you’d like to avoid the endless swiping of dating apps or the awkward blind dates set up by friends and family, try working with a matchmaker. At Sophy Love Matchmaking, we have decades of experience in behavioral psychology, deep professional networks among the most quality singles, and we are skilled in both the science and art of understanding a person’s preferences, goals, and desires. 


You don’t need to navigate the dating scene alone. To get started with Sophy Love, visit our services and let us know how we can best meet your needs.

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The Question Isn't If You'll Change, But How

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